The Quest Giver [Einmal Mod Account] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thequestgiver) wrote2018-11-04 08:57 am
thequestgiver) wrote2018-11-04 08:57 am
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The Diary
Tucked away on one of the shelves in Hero House is a small book, leather bound with no title, but with indents on the cover that indicate that it was once held closed by a leather strap. Inside, the contents are hand written, with what looks like a ballpoint pen, various dates on the tops of each page, not at all using the date format that the natives use.
Looks like you found someone's diary, Hero. Will you read it? (Silly question, you're a hero in an RPG, of course you're going to read it. You found the thing, after all! And if they hadn't wanted it to be read, they wouldn't have left it were just anybody could spot it, right?)
Looks like you found someone's diary, Hero. Will you read it? (Silly question, you're a hero in an RPG, of course you're going to read it. You found the thing, after all! And if they hadn't wanted it to be read, they wouldn't have left it were just anybody could spot it, right?)
August 2nd, 2015
It is weird being the only expat here. From the looks of it, there were others before, but no one seems to know where they went. One of the locals went on about the phases of the spell or whatever that bring people here like it was powered by the light of the moon or something, so who even knows.
The locals are... not bright. Like to the level that I would not be surprised to find out this whole thing was some colony for the mentally infirm stashed on some random planet that's been going for 10 generations or something like that. (That was another Star Trek ep wasn't it? It's been ages since I watched that show)
Keeping a paper log is weird, but with no signs of electricity, who the hell knows when I'll get to charge my phone next, so gonna save the battery best I can.
October 1st, 2015
So, weird things about this place noticed so far:
There are farmers, but no one seems to actually farm anything? They all just sit around on porch steps smoking pipes and complaining about the weather. No one seems to know where the food everyone eats even comes from, it just shows up? The monks garden, but that's not a bit enough plot to feed anyone outside of themselves, if that. But every house has a full pantry and everyone just says not to worry about it. So that's weird as hell.
Also, cold foods are kept in a LITERAL ice box. Not even joking. This place has a dorm fridge, but Ye Ole Peasantry all have boxes made of some magical ice that never melts. Apparently some previous expat set them up with magic. Not the same guy who did the plumbing.
So far I've been told about giants in the sky, dragons in the mountains, trolls under bridges (seen one of those, he was a little guy who just wanted a penny for his pile and looked damned disappointed when I told him I didn't have any change like he was a beggar on the street corner. Note to self, find a penny for the troll because seriously, that felt like kicking a puppy.)
Also the king has a mother-in-law but there's no queen? Got a funny look when I asked if she got her head chopped off, so no Henry the 8th jokes, I guess. Though if she did just walk off, I wouldn't blame her, that guy is the laziest excuse for a monarch I've seen yet. I think all he does is preside over balls and crap. He might also not ever leave the castle. Not sure.
Oh right, the thorns. The worst hedgerow you could imagine down the south end of the country. Sleeping Beauty's castle's got nothing on these suckers. Those are, in theory, what the spell to summon heroes was cast to deal with. But no one seems to really care? They're not moving at any noticeable speed that I could tell so it could just be a literal invasive species. I took some measurements, made some jokes about calling Monsanto and then had to try and explain that to the local who thought I was going to summon something to lay waste to the thicket.
This also might be the only place I've ever been that has beggars by profession. Never seen any of them sleeping on the street or anything, they all seem to have homes or at least shelters, but they just sit around at the side of the street with their tin cups or clay bowls and ask you for coin.
Oh yeah, that's another weird thing. There's money, but it seems almost like a pleasantry more than anything. Like, you'd need a gold coin to go to the shops, but everybody always seems to have them and you can literally just go up to the king and ask for some and his treasurer will just hand you a bag like they were chocolate. The surreal Ren Fest gone Insane Asylum vibe is gonna get me before any dragon does, I'll tell you that much.
November 4th, 2015
But damn, they had good timing. Being the only hero around when it's festival time is a scary thing, let me tell you. I had about 50 different people all but fighting over each other to ask me to the dance. Absolutely nuts. So when the giant's cloud came by, you bet your butt I jumped that beanstalk.
It's a little more sane up top, but still kind of "I am trapped in a holodeck" surreal. Also all the giants treat you like you're 4. Because they're all about 3-4 times bigger than you so it's either treat you like a toddler or a dog because you only come up to their knees.
And apparently, the previous heroes down here used a crystal ball system for chatting, as one of the locals decided I should know after they saw me on my phone. So gonna talk to someone about rigging something up so that I don't need to use the kludgetastic charger more than is needed. Or hell, maybe even figure out how to do a "magic to electric" converter.
December 1st, 2015
Also, everyone magically has coats now. Literally magically. I think someone in the mages' guild just cast a spell. There's even one in my closet. Sure, fine, whatever.
Woodpiles restock when you're not looking same as the fridges do. It took me a few days to realize. I think I'm just getting used to how this place works. Not sure how I feel about that.
There's already talk of the Big Winter Ball. I think this is gonna be the month were I go check out those mountains where the dragons are because no way do I want to be the center of that massive tug of war again.
Gotta say, being the only expat? Sucks. A lot. The Giants were at least a bit more sane but there's only so many things you can talk to a stereotypical 50s housewife about, you know?
Here's hoping the dragons are a bit more normal.
That I even wrote those words, WTF is this place seriously.
March 3rd
Oh yeah, and after one wins, you know what they do? Sit there and wait for about five minutes, and then they start tossing insults until the "dead" sister is annoyed enough to get up.
And then they have a tea party.
I kid you not. They had a goddamned TEA PARTY after that literal earth shaking murder fest.
So yeah. I'm back here now.
Got some cool swag as a parting gift though. So that's nice. And the locals are trying to decide if I need a "dragon slayer" tacked on to the ridiculous title they made for me or not.
May 27th
1: Said brat is actually tolerable when he's talking magic. Like he's a completely different person.
2: Programing a crystal ball is easier than programing in Java.
3: I now have a crystal ball that plays Angry Birds and Candy Crush. And got the mage guild to functionally mass produce it.
You're welcome.